wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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