You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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