I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
