I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
