We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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