Kiss
Puke
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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