I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
