Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize