Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
