I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
