yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
