Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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