I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
