remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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