I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
