Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
