dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
