I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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