my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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