I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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