He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
