you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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