This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize