update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
