Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize