ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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