So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
