Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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