i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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