How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
