i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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