P.S. I can't hear my feet
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
