I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
