Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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