i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
