i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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