All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You pole danced in your parka.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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