My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
