Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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