So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What did we do last night that was yellow?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
