i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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