I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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