he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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