you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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