Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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