omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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