She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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