I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
