Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
