3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
