this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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