Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
