I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
