youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
