K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
