Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
