So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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