She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
