I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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