i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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