A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
