dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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