I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
