the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
