Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
