Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
