worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
