i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
