So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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