if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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