I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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