i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
