I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
