Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
