I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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