life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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