Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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