drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
