My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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