Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dignity is for republicans.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
