exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
