I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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