Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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