I think i sorta joined a cult last night
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
