I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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