also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can text with my tongue
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
