i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
