My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
