He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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