I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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