KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
