are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
