Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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