Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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