Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
