also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
