Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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