i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
