ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
