Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize