Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
