According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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