You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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