I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
