i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
