Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
