Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
