Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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