I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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